That was 10 days ago, a lot can happen in 10 days.
Currently there are 29 days till Ironman.
Currently I can't move my shoulder, my hips ache, I have a hole in my elbow that a Hersey Kiss could fit in, and I'm missing the fingerprint on a thumb that won't bend.
I have 29 days to pull myself together or wave a white flag.
Little Red is back from the shop and as good as new.
I wish I could go in for quick fix and be ready to head back on the road in a matter of days.
I'm not sure I ever will.
Maybe I'm not suppose to race Ironman this year.
That was hard to type, and not just because I have a bad thumb.
But because it is the reality I'm facing.
This might not be my year.
Too dramatic? Maybe.
There is a part of me that wants to go on and keep trying, another part of me is done.
Done with the pain and the fear and the uncertainty. I'm tired of road rashes and bruises. I'm tired of showers that sting and joints that won't bend. I'm tired of telling the story of my crash and putting on a brave face when people tell me "you'll be fine, you can still race Ironman".
Inside I'm screaming.
No, No I can't! And maybe I don't want to anymore!
Maybe. I don't know what I want. The only thing I know for sure is my bike scares the crap out of me. That's a problem when the race your training for is 112 miles ON A BIKE.
I'm not making any definite decisions right now this is just where I'm at.
I planning to try a run tomorrow. Let's pray that goes well and maybe breaking a sweat will bring me some clarity and a happy post about cupcakes or something. I miss my happy dorky posts, I think I bruised my funny bone or something in the crash. ;-)